From One Survivor to Another

11 months ago

128 notes

thoughts

child abuse

abuse

abusive families

child sexual abuse

June 4, 2012

[tw: abuse culture] The whole “haha our family is so dysfunctional we’re always fighting but we love each other” thing is kind of dangerous

has anyone else noticed this?

it’s like

“oh look, our family has problems. but you know! that’s just how families work. I guess we’ll have to live with it! you can’t get rid of family! You’re with them for life!”

Putting it that way, it seems very obviously dangerous. If a child in an abusive situation is taught that zie is stuck with their family and that that’s just how families are, too bad, and zie hears that same message over and over again, then their chances of wanting to escape or just look up information/ask someone about their family’s dynamics are diminished.

Not that there is anything wrong with families that are kind of quirky or “different”. There are plenty of families like that. But when this narrative has become a cultural trope and there’s little to no counter narrative that goes, “but wait! there are some things that families should never do to children”, then it is a problem. Even more so— sometimes these portrayals go as far as excusing violence or abusive or manipulative behavior (Homer Simpson choking Bart comes to mind).

Children need to be taught that these things are absolutely not acceptable. And, in fact, that your “family” is not a group of people you’re stuck with forever….some families are dangerous or toxic and no one should have to stay with them. There’s this weird undercurrent or assumed perspective that all of the people viewing this trope in films, tv shows, public conversation, etc., are all from a perfectly fine family, when the truth is that lots of us aren’t. Some things, like physical violence, neglect, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, etc, make one’s family optional on all counts. There are some children (and adults) out there who need to know that this option is even available— the option of a different family or no family at all— in order to survive.