From One Survivor to Another

the usual analyses of “nice guys” work fine for white men

but when you talk about Asian men it is absolutely different. Asian men are constantly cast as skeevy, desperate, predatory losers— too aggressive— or, they are desireless and subservient, not aggresive enough. they are rarely seen as attractive unless it’s fetishized.

analyzing nice guys works when you are talking about the beloved beautiful White Man and all of the entitlement that comes with that status, but when you apply the same analysis onto Asian men, who are rarely made to feel important or attractive, it is totally different. 

When a white guy complains about how X person doesn’t want them, they are swimming in privilege, whereas when an Asian man says these things it is because they’ve gotten little to no validation in their life. In that case, it’s not about being entitled to other people or some kind of sexism or misogyny; it’s about wanting to be “pretty” in a world full of people constantly flaunting their beauty.

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12. plainenglish said: That’s part of why the “nice guys” complaints get under peoples skin I think. Because it’s usually coming from the entitled portion who take their real privilege for granted. I notice who’s doing the talking. It makes a difference
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