I recently became inspired to write this tip list. TW: Abuse

bebinn:

missgingerlee:

ocean-bright-wine:

queernonymoose:

If you are living with an abusive person (be it a spouse, sibling, cousin, roommate, or partner, and whether it is physical or verbal or whatever), here’s some tips.

1. If the person demands you isolate yourself by deleting things like facebook, tumblr, etc, here’s a tip: Do it, and let them watch you delete it. Then, make a new one and download ccleaner.com. It looks like a regular spyware/adware/registry cleaner remover, and one helpful aspect is it deletes history permanently and basically makes it easier to cover your tracks.

2. This is something a relative of mine did; when they are gone, take out one of the base moldings of the wall. She took the whole thing out so the line from a cut wouldn’t be seen. She cut a low notch/alcove. She hid money, extra things like snacks, and other stuff in there. Eventually, she saved up money to get away. She would use wood glue to put it back to the wall and would pry it off again to fill it in with a shoehorn. Even if you don’t get away, this can be your cubby hole for resources.

3. That same relative hid a prepaid cellphone with contacts in it to make infrequent calls and kept the phone off when hidden away.

4. I am not complete in compiling the survival guide stuff, but here is a copy of First Aid for Everyone in case you cannot go to the hospital for any reason.

REBLOG WIDELY and feel free to share and add on pieces of advice, please.

Safari’s private browsing mode is very easy to turn on and off quickly. Just check or uncheck it in the “Safari” menu. When it’s on, it won’t save your history or any other information.

Adding…if you think they’ve put a gps on your vehicle to keep tabs on you, most police departments (and some domestic violence units) will help you check. 

Wasp spray. Yes, wasp spray. If things go downhill fast, & you have to get away from a person/have something to protect yourself that looks like just another random household product, wasp spray can help you. It sprays 20+ feet, & it will temporarily blind a person if you aim at the eyes. 

As horrible as it may sound…wear the right shoes as much as you can. Running in heels is hard, & at a certain point function comes over fashion. 

Document, document, document. Have that info somewhere either than your home/computer. Even if it’s an anonymous email account on gmail to yourself. If your computer/camera/phone are destroyed, you don’t want to lose all that info. Thumb drives are your friend, & they can be hidden in all kinds of places. DO NOT KEEP IT ON YOU. 

Screencap things like they’re going out of style. If you’re being sent texts, tweets, etc., you want to be able to show them in case your abuser decides to go back and delete things at some point. 

If they have access to your banking information, whether it be by seeing/finding paper statements or having access to your online banking info or having a joint account, your movements around your town/where you are traveling to can be tracked. If you can use cash for things, do it. 

Know alternate routes to get to/from home from places you frequent, as well as police departments, etc. Sometimes losing somebody following you on the road comes down to you knowing more ways out than they do.  

Gaslighting is real. It can make you begin to feel like you are going crazy, because your entire reality can be used as a way to control & frighten you. You know you. Trust yourself. 

Here are some ways to protect your internet activity

Hide an extra set of car keys.

Along with the practical shoes tip, try not to wear many necklaces or scarves - they can be used to choke.

Keep the car backed into the driveway, with all doors locked except for the driver’s side, and with a full tank of gas.

Arrange a code word or signal for neighbors and family if you are in trouble and need them to call the police or get help in some other way.

Identify safe rooms, where there are no weapons and ways to escape. If an argument occurs, try to move to that area.

For people in domestic abuse situations and victims of stalking, keep a small bag packed in a safe place with:

• Money and bank info
• Medications
• Birth certificates and passports
• Social Security #s
• Extra keys for neighbors
• Kids’ items
• Important numbers: law enforcement, friends and family, attorneys/prosecutors, medical care, child care, pet car, creditors
• If possible, a change of clothing

This website has more suggestions for safety strategies and steps to take when leaving.

For more support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Although GPS was mentioned, there are a few other ways someone can track you:

• All iOS devices (ipad, iPod Touch, iPhone) after 2nd generation can have the Find My iPhone app installed, and then someone with access to the iTunes account connected to that device can track it. There’s also a similar app for Macbooks now.
• A lot of other smartphones have similar features.
• Even if you have Find My iPhone turned off, some apps (such as facebook or instagram) have location tracking whenever you make an update or post…check your settings app to turn off that stuff.
• Feature phones with GPS functions or software can be tracked also.
• Some car anti-theft services have tracking that can be used, especially if the abuser is the owner of the car.

One other thing:

• If it’s an emergency and you have no way to call for help, get to a public school, fire station, public library, or similar building, and try to open the locked doors. Most of these places (especially in larger towns and cities) have automatic security systems which will call the police to go and check on them.

Ten Misconceptions about Intersex

tranzfat:

By Curtis E. Hinkle, Founder, Organisation Intersex International

And Hida Viloria, Human Rights Spokesperson, Organisation Intersex International

[trigger warning: medical abuse, medicalization/pathologizing of gender]

1. Intersex means that a person has both sets of genitalia. (False)
This is probably one of the most common misconceptions about intersex. Intersex often has nothing to do with the genitalia of the person, much less having two sets. There are intersex people with a penis and a vaginal opening. However, there are no documented cases of a person being born with fully developed male and female genitalia. The vast majority of intersex people have genitalia that look pretty typically male or female with a small minority having atypical genitalia. In fact, the quaint, pseudoscientific term‚ “true hermaphrodite” (which refers someone with ovarian and testicular tissue), can refer to a person with totally typical male or female genitalia.

2. 1 in 2000 infants is born intersex. (False)
This is one of the most common statistics given. It would be more accurate to state simply that in hospitals with gender assignment teams, 1 in 2000 infants is born with genitalia that are so atypical that the attending physician requests the help of the specialists in the team to assign a sex. Most hospitals in the world have no gender assignment teams and most intersex people have typical genitalia. One should be careful to note that even in the majority of births with atypical genitalia, the doctor does not request any assistance from a gender assignment team even if one is available. Therefore, one can readily see that this figure gives the impression that intersex is very, very rare. It isn’t!

There are so many different intersex conditions that it is very hard to give a statistic at this time. A more accurate estimate is given by Sharon Preves, Ph.D., author of Intersex and Identity: The Contested Self, who has researched the topic of intersex very thoroughly. According to Preves, “The frequency could be as high as four percent.”

3. When an intersex child is born, they cannot be left to grow up as is, but rather “something must be done.” (False)
There are very few instances when a child’s intersex variation poses health risks that require immediate medical attention. Rather, intersex people, like all people, have health issues. For example, being a female is not in and of itself a health problem but there are health problems specific to females. 

In the majority of cases where there are no health risks involved, we have witnessed that it is more beneficial to the intersex child to be allowed to grow up with their body intact. Preserving their bodies’ integrity allows intersex children to develop their own sense of sex and gender identity without the risk of irreparable damage to the formation of this identity. The child can be raised with a provisional sex assignment of male or female and left to decide for themselves, as all other humans are given the right to do, if this sex feels right for them later on, and/or if they wish to make any cosmetic changes to their body to align it with their sense of self. Attempting to make these decisions for infants and children, while perhaps well intentioned, is playing a game of speculation with another person’s life.

4. Intersex is about homosexuality. (False)
The underlying reasons for pathologizing intersexuality and suggesting treatments which are often barbaric are most likely a result of homophobia. However, there is nothing about intersexuality per se that would cause one to state that intersexuality and homosexuality are the same issue or that they are directly related. There quite possibly are links but the physiological reasons are not fully understood at this time. What is important to understand is that many people with intersex conditions, just as those without them, sometimes identify as gay or lesbian. Similarly, many intersex adults find the issue of homosexuality irrelevant to our perception of ourselves. More and more intersex people are comfortable with an intersex gender identity which we feel is more accurate in describing how we perceive ourselves. The socially constructed model of eroticism offered up by many cultures which divides people into homosexual and heterosexual erases our identity. Even bisexuality further perpetuates the idea of only two genders by the use of the prefix “bi‚” which means‚ “both.” There are people who are primarily attracted to androgynous people, to “masculine ” women or “feminine” men. And most important of all, what is the opposite sex of an intersex person?

5. Disorders of Sex Development, or DSD, is the preferred term for intersex. (False)
All members of the Organisation Intersex International (OII), the largest intersex organization in the world, reject the label Disorders of Sex Development (or DSD) for the simple reason that we are not disordered, but different, and we refuse to accept medical language and views which pathologize us. The fact that some intersex individuals choose to use this term to describe themselves, just as some homosexuals view their homosexuality as a disease to be cured, does not discount the fact that the label is inaccurate and stigmatizing to the community as a whole.

6. Intersex is not about gender. (False)
To many intersex people, gender is the main issue. In many countries around the world, there are no early surgeries to “treat” intersex bodies. These people’s main issues are often based on not being able to fit into either gender or growing up with a body incompatible with the gender in which they were raised.

The very theories used to support mutilating intersex bodies both surgically and hormonally are based on notions of gender which have been proved to be unreliable. According to the theories often espoused by followers of Dr. John Money, gender is not innate to the individual. We have no proof of this. We do have quite a bit of proof to the contrary. 

Intersex is not just about our bodies but also about how we perceive ourselves within those bodies and gender identity is a crucial part of everyone’s identity. To erase the importance of gender to the individual intersex person is to reduce that person to only the physical aspects of their body, neglecting the more important part of the equation, their own perception of that body and themselves, as opposed to how others perceive them.

7. Intersex is part of the transgender movement. (False)
No. Whereas individuals who are intersexed might identify as transgender, the opposite is not true. Most people who are part of the transgender movement are not intersexed. To include intersex under the umbrella term ‚ “transgender,” overlooks our specific needs which often are medical reform, legal issues concerning which gender we are, health issues specific to intersexed bodies and more importantly, the fact that most intersexed people are not trans. Many are perfectly happy with being men or women and more and more of us are quite happy being intergender and find the notion of trans totally foreign to our identity because we are rejecting binary gender altogether and the prefix‚ “trans,” just like the prefix “bi‚” mentioned earlier, keeps the binary well intact.

8. The intersex movement is an identity movement like other GLBT movements. (False)
Not exactly. The Organisation Intersex International campaigns for full Human Rights for all people born with intersex variations, some of whom do not claim “intersex” as an identity. Our diverse community includes people who identify as intersex males, intersex females, intersex, males, females, or sometimes, also, transgender.

9. Most intersex people were assigned female. (False)
Many intersex conditions in infants assigned male are often overlooked and the parents are simply told there is some work necessary for proper urination or that a testicle has not descended, etc. In addition, in many parts of the world intersex people are assigned male if at all possible because it is deemed more socially desirable to be male. When one reads about all the various intersex conditions, one realizes that a person born with an intersex condition is just as likely to be assigned male as female.

10. Intersexuality is a condition which can be cured. (False)
Surgical “normalization” of intersex bodies is an attempt, like eugenics, to remove differences which some people have decided are undesirable, and it often creates problems which were previously non-existent. To view intersex variations as conditions which can be cured justifies the barbaric medical practices we are often subjected to, such as genital surgeries and/or hormones which may be contrary to our own core identity, and psychological treatments for not wishing to comply.

not sure how much i agree with #7 but this is really good

(Source: oiiusa.org)

[general trigger warning] Possible Symptoms Of Complex Trauma In Early Childhood:

hyperphagia:

1. Attachment - Uncertainty about the reliability and predictability of the world, problems with boundaries, distrust and suspiciousness, social isolation, difficulty attuning to other people’s emotional states and points of view, difficulty with perspective taking and difficulty enlisting other people as allies.

2. Biology - Sensorimotor developmental problems, problems with coordination, balance, body tone, difficulties localizing skin contact, hypersensitivity to physical contact, analgesia, somatization, increased medical problems.

3. Affect or emotional regulation - easily-aroused high-intensity emotions, difficulty with emotional self-regulation, difficulty describing feelings and internal experience, chronic and pervasive depressed mood or sense of emptiness or deadness, chronic suicidal preoccupation, over-inhibition or excessive expression of anger and difficulty communicating wishes and desires.

4. Dissociation - distinct alterations in states of consciousness, amnesia, depersonalization and de-realization and two or more distinct states of consciousness, with impaired memory for state-based events.

5. Behavioral control - poor modulation of impulses, self-destructive behavior, aggressive behaviour, sleep disturbances, eating disorders, substance abuse, oppositional behavior, excessive compliance, pathological self-soothing behaviors, difficulty understanding and complying with rules and communication of traumatic past by reenactment in day-to-day behaviour or play (sexual, aggressive, etc.).

6. Cognition - difficulties in attention regulation and executive functioning, problems focusing on and completing tasks, difficulty planning and anticipating, learning difficulties, problems with language development, lack of sustained curiosity, problems with processing novel information, problems with object constancy, problems understanding own contribution to what happens to them, problems with orientation in time and space, acoustic and visual perceptual problems, impaired comprehension of complex visual-spatial patterns.

7. Self-concept - lack of a continuous and predictable sense of self, low self-esteem, feelings of shame and guilt, generalized sense of being ineffective in dealing with one’s environment, belief that one has been permanently damaged by the trauma, poor sense of separateness, disturbances of body image and shame and guilt.

http://www.aaets.org/article174.htm

looking at this is affirming and terrible at the same time

Self Soothing — Sensory kit

healthofmind:

This is a method I learned in DBT, I think its also used in CBT. The idea here is to alleviate distressing situations with soothing ones.

A big problem I face in the world with anxiety is the external onslaught of sensations. I’m not asking for a loud noise to startle me, or for a stranger to yell, or any other external sensation that produces extremely strong negative feelings.

A good way to combat this is by keeping a bag full of things that will give you strong positive feelings from external sensations. Of course this takes a good deal of self awareness, and take the time to learn what feels good and what doesn’t.

Focus on one of the 5 senses at a time, and figure out some things that you know you like from each of those categories: Sight, touch, taste, smell, and sound. Or, something very strong— you may not find mints enjoyable, but the strong taste can calm your body’s responses by having something physical to focus on.

Some common ingredients to a successful Sensory kit

Sight:

• Use things that are your favorite color.
• A wallet-sized picture of someone or something you enjoy
• Landscapes are common.
• Baby animals!
• Funny photos
• Pictures—! really you can go all out with this, because you can take photos of anything these days. 
• Blowing bubbles
• Positive affirmations

Touch:

• Travel-sized play doug, or putty
• Soft objects
• Stress relief Magnets
• Stress balls
• Tactile beads
• Wood, metal, etc.
• Rubber bands
• Rubbing stones
• Beanbags
• Kneading eraser

Taste

• Sour or hot candies.
• Gum
• Mints
• A favorite snack

Smell

• Aromatherapy oils
• Travel sized scented hand sanitizers
• Lavender is quite popular
• Perfumes
• Menthol, commonly used for soothing colds.
• Scratch and sniff stickers

Sound

• Clickers
• MP3 player playlist
• Music boxes
• Nature sounds
• Classical music
• Running/moving water
• Bells

Sensory kits can be any size that fits your lifestyle. As a student I’m in many different places and need something very easy to carry around and keep inconspicuous. But if you’re stationary a lot of the time, in a cubical or working at home, you can go a little larger and keep it in a safe place.

Even the container you choose will be sensory-pleasing! Its important to find something that just looking at it fills you with a sense of pleasure.

When a distressing event occurs you can pull out one of your sensory-soothing items and use it to alleviate the stress of a situation. This works for anxiety, anger, depression… any strong, physical emotion!

I’ll post some pictures of my own sensory kit later. If you have your own, or have some ideas that aren’t listed here feel free to send them to me! c:

liftedeyes asked:

goldenphoenixgirl:

goldenphoenixgirl:

i feel like I’m sending so many asks. whenever i read these horrors you post… i think “i wish i could just sit with her now. we dont have to talk because im bad at talking. i wouldn’t have any expectation of entertainment. just sit and be quiet. just so she doesnt feel so alone”. idk if that means anything, but I’m telling you because it is truly how i feel and i hope it does mean a little.

liftedeyes

THIS is actually the PERFECT response to someone you know who has been abused. Just telling them “I know you I don’t totally understand your life or your situation, but I care and I want to listen.” 

It’s the most meaningful thing one can do for a survivor and I recommend all of my readers follow your lead and tell victims they know the same thing. I appreciate your support and your remarkable insight.  

(Publishing a reblog-able version in response to a request. =)  )

[trigger warning: prescriptivism, sexual abuse] This is a post for the non-broken people.

moarhelenplz:

Yea, you know who you are. The do-gooders, the ones slavering at the mouths to help us poor helpless, pathetic beings.

Here’s the problem: in your haste to help, you end up hurting us. More often than not, you’re harming us. And if you’re not harming us, you’re certainly not helping. You don’t understand the situation, and waltzing in like you do only means we’re in firing range.

Like whoever called the cops on Toranse - fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you, Toranse had to delete their tumblr, and y’know, tumblr was one of the only good things going for them. Nice. Fucking. Job.

“Compassion” alerts, stalking people so you can call the cops on them, sending messages then guilt trip and trigger us into oblivion if we don’t response in what you view as an appropriate manner - this is all behaviour I’ve seen. If we don’t act how you want us to act, then we’re not even people anymore.

Us poor broken people.

Fuck you. Start fucking treating us like people, people with self-supremacy and self-awareness.

Removing the ability to consent from people who are traumatized because their wishes and feelings were ignored…totally gonna help.

If a survivor says they dont need your help you absolutely must stop. Because continuing means violating their right to self-agency. It means forcing them into the same kinds of situations they have been through.

And also, you cannot tell who is or who is not a survivor. So this applies to everyone. If you are not like, that person’s best friend and you’re just a total stranger trying to “help”, stop. In fact, you should ask people if they want “help” first before even doing anything.

A list of PoC Sci-Fi/Fantasy authors.

madamethursday:

stfuconfederates:

• Octavia E. Butler
• L.A. Banks
• Tananarive Due
• N.K. Jemisin
• Nalo Hopkinson
• Samuel R. Delany
• Haruki Murakami
• Andrea Hairston
• Shaun Tan
• Steven Barnes
• Nisi Shawl
• Nnedi Okorafor
• Dark Matter (compilation series)
• The Carl Brandon Society (organization)

Thanks to everybody who contributed!

Feel free to reblog & add more.

Where’s Michelle Sagara/Michelle West? David Anthony Durham? Maurice Broaddus? Karin Lowachee? Are we just talking about novels because if we’re including short stories, then where is:

K. Tempest Bradford

Amal El-Mohtar

Maryanne Mohanraj (though she writes a lot of non-sf/f from what I understand)

Marjorie M. Liu

Yoon Ha Lee (seriously, if you haven’t read the short stories this author has written, do yourself a favor and go RIGHT NOW and find some).

Shweta Narayan

Shveta Thakrar

Stephanie Lai

Jaymee Goh

Maria Acosta

Greg Van Eekhout

Neesha Meminger (she wrote Into the Wise Dark)

Also, AFAIK, Tobias Buckell identifies himself as a PoC.

What about those authors who’s work is classified as “magical realism”? Because that opens a lot of literature by non-white/PoC authors up. 

This list just seems way too short to me. Also, is this open only to English language authors and those who are published inside white-majority/white-dominant countries. Because while I like the idea, it seems like it might get tricky when you get to nations where the designation “PoC” wouldn’t necessarily hold the same meaning it does here in the U.S. (or in UK/Can/Aus and such nations).

Aquiring a Service Dog in the USA

unheardofsongs:

I’ve had a lot of questions from people about how to go about obtaining a Service Dog (SD) for themselves. I’m happy to help! There is a lot of info out there, and much of it is either incorrect from people trying to profit off people with different abilities or just misinterpreting the law. Just so you know my background, I am a dog trainer who has trained SDs for both organizations and individuals, and I am a current SD handler myself.

Be warned-there are a lot of sites about how to scam the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) too. This post is not meant to be used for that purpose. I had someone tell me yesterday AFTER their dog tried to attack Delilah (my SD) that they always wanted to get their dog certified and bring them places with them. There are several things very wrong with this statement.

Read More

Really informative— worth reading even if you do not have a Service Dog or plan on having one

The Importance of Checking In

mmmajestic:

communityandresistance:

Checking in with yourself is an act of self-affirmation, a way of reminding yourself that your inner being matters. It is also a way of giving yourself credit for all your efforts. Some good times to check in with yourself include: when you are being triggered, right after talking about what you’ve experienced, right after a therapy session, etc. 

Suggestions for How to Check In

1. Think about the following questions/statement, and if you journal, consider writing your answers.

• What are you thinking right now?
• How are you feeling?  Empowered, drained, frightened, ashamed, hopeful, angry, or some other feeling? Recognize these feelings as valid and true.
• What physical discomforts are you experiencing? 
• Do you need to contact a trusted friend or seek medical care?
• If you are feeling very frightened, afraid or distressed what can you do right now to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, or mentally?
• Acknowledge the work you have done thus far in healing.
• Share your happiness or joy with someone close to you.

This exercise adapted from here.

Followers, what are some ways you check in with yourself? Do you have any suggestions for others? What works for you and what doesn’t? What has been your experience with checking in? Is it beneficial for you? Or try these tips and lets us know how they worked! Submit your story or ask questions!

this should be shared as much as possible